Depression: How it is kept secret!
We always talk about various signs and symptoms which hint at depression.
Depression can manifest in a variety of ways, some signs are easy to spot while others are more subtle or hidden.
Visible signs and symptoms of Depression:
These signs are easy to spot if one is careful and discerning. They are:
Persistent sadness or loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable.
Changes in appetite, weight or sleep patterns.
Loss of energy or increased fatigue.
Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or thinking clearly.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
Thoughts of death or suicide.
When you know someone for a very long time or you meet somebody everyday, these signs will easily get noticed by you.
However, there are some people who are masters in concealing their emotions and feelings. They are able to manage themselves well while struggling inside. It is actually known as Smiling Depression.
It’s important to look beyond the happy faces:
People tend to take things for granted until they become a crisis. We generally do not take things seriously until and unless things are visibly critical. For instance, if one has the flu and is at home, people hardly care. But if the same person is hospitalized with the flu, people become concerned.
Similarly, if someone is living a healthy and disciplined life, most of us will assume everything is possibly fine.
Hidden Depression:
I will give you a real life story here for you to read.
It is about a woman. She is basically a very disciplined individual. Right from her childhood, she is used to sticking to routines. The routines evolved with time, but whatever they are, she tries to stick to those.
She gets up early in the morning (5:30ish), makes breakfast for everyone in the family. Her breakfast and tea is done by 6:30 a.m. Reading the daily newspaper is a must for her.
She does the majority of the household chores, all by herself, taking out the trash,dusting, cleaning, kitchen stuff, laundry etc. Amidst all these, she does her free hand exercises and yoga. (subject to the availability of time). Shower and lunch is done by 1 p.m., followed by a little TV, for relaxing. A short siesta, which is a necessity considering she is an early morning person.
Evening tea (with biscuits, nothing more). Some evening household chores, including some preparations for dinner.
Some writings and stuff later in the evening. A 30-45 minutes walk before dinner. Dinner is done by 10 p.m. And roughly two hours later, she is off to bed.
She also makes it a point to eat healthy, and have outside food occasionally whenever she feels like it.
Now, after reading the above story, it does seem everything is fine. There are no issues one needs to be concerned about or worked on, because depression does not (generally) allow one to be so disciplined and have a calm demeanour. However, this is a mistaken notion about someone.
True Story:
She was once an ambitious person who aspired to be independent in life. She had an immense desire to travel the country and the world. But, due to a variety of reasons and constraints, she could not achieve any of these things.
She has been jobless for almost a decade now. (Also lost the motivation to do the same). She abhors going out, hates to mingle. There is practically no social life. She is not eager to get married as well .(Although there have been multiple rejections already).
She often feels ignored, lonely and unloved. She is subjected to some form of prejudice on a daily basis from her family. “Burden” is an often-used word for her.
She has no money of her own, to fall back on. She often spirals thinking about the uncertainty of the future. She gets scared to even think what would happen to her eventually.
She often breaks down (secretly). She experiences anxiety, fear, and hopelessness.
You see, this is the real story.
She might be suffering from depression, but it is hard to be sure, because she does not talk about her feelings and never interacted with any mental health professional to get diagnosed. It remains undetected.
How to help someone with hidden depression:
It is very difficult to find ways to help people with hidden depression. People often are so caught up with their own lives, they may not notice any changes in their friends or family members.
However, one thing we all can do is be kind to each other. We should try to form connections and give each other safe space to talk and share. Most of the time, people with hidden depression do not want to burden others and so they refrain from talking about it, while exhibiting a happy and positive body language.
Here are some other ways:
Be a good listener.
Validate their feelings.
Offer practical support.
Be patient and understanding.
Encourage others to talk.
Final Thoughts:
Each one of us should strive to be non-judgemental. We should be kind, caring and compassionate. There are many people like the woman mentioned in the story above, who leads a very disciplined, active and productive life but struggles inside with a myriad of negative emotions.
Appearances can be deceiving. We should try to look beyond the happy faces and seemingly active lives.
Take care! Sucheta
Disclaimer: I am not an expert or a professional in the field of mental health. This writing is based solely on my experience and observation, and it is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need help with mental health issues, please contact a qualified professional.
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