Toxic positivity

 Toxic positivity:

 What is Toxic Positivity:

It is the overemphasis on positive thinking and the denial of negative emotions. It imposes positive thinking as the only solution to the problems, demanding that a person avoid negative thinking or expressing negative emotions.

Toxic positivity examples:

Below are some statements and their respective comments! (I bet you have come across the majority of them!) 

"I feel upset"- “Do what you love, you will feel better".

"I feel lonely"- "Talk to friends, hang out, won't be lonely anymore".

"I am depressed" - "Go out, watch movies, listen to music, and enjoy your life".

"Nobody cares about me" - "Why so negative? Your negative attitude will not take you anywhere. Always stay positive, and be happy".

"What if your action led someone to take an extreme step? You never know"- "It does not matter. Tomorrow I might be here, I might not be here. ".

"I am struggling (with problems) and feel helpless" - "Everyone has problems in their lives."

"I don't feel like living anymore"- “Come on, don’t lose heart, others are facing more problems than you and still surviving.”

Now, read them again and THINK, do they really sound right? Are they really helping? 

Are we not making the other person even more helpless and miserable?

For instance, the person who is speaking about taking an extreme step and is treated with indifference, are we not making them feel more worthless and helpless?

These are a few examples of toxic positivity.

Why toxic positivity is harmful:

Toxic positivity is harmful because it can lead to people feeling like they are not allowed to express their true feelings, and it can also make it difficult for people to cope with tough situations.

Specifically speaking:

• It can suppress negative emotions.

• It can make people feel isolated and alone.

• It can make people more vulnerable inside. 

• It can invalidate people’s feelings and emotions.

• It can inflict a feeling of shame.

How to deal with toxic positivity:

There is a general lack of knowledge and awareness about how to deal with these statements. We do not know how to help, when someone comes with life problems, dealing with grief, sadness, depression, emotional abuse, etc.

Whenever we have this sort of conversation, we generally just jump in with advice. We give life examples thinking that would help, but actually, they make it worse.

Do we realize what impact our so-called 'advice' can have? They can make the person feel more vulnerable, more upset, and more hopeless. Don't you think, what we should do instead is "LISTEN", "REASSURE", "And SHOW AFFECTION"?

How to stop toxic positivity and what to say instead:

Most of the time, we are not sure what to say in such situations, however, it is also important to know what not to say.

We all need to be mindful and alert while choosing our words when we speak with someone emotionally vulnerable. Compassion and empathy are essential.

• We should not always encourage people to be happy.

• We should not force others to be positive.

• “Others are going through worse”, this particular statement should be avoided at all cost.

• We should not judge when someone gives out negative vibes.

All of us should learn the right approach of dealing with negative emotions of ourselves as well as others. We can practice the following:

•   Be genuine.

•  Not be judgemental.

•  Not put pressure to be happy and think positive.

•   Help with correct resources, if needed.

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Final thoughts:

As the saying goes, “too much of a good thing can be bad”. This applies to positivity as well. Having positive thoughts and emotions is okay, however, it is utterly crucial to acknowledge and process the negative emotions as well. 

Life is a mix of good and bad, it is not meant to be perfect. And we need to accept this reality.

Let us cultivate diligence! Let us take care of our well-being!

                                                                                                                    Sucheta

Disclaimer: I am not an expert or a professional in the field of mental health. This writing is based solely on my experience and observation, and it is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need help with mental health issues, please contact a qualified professional.