Matrimonial Ads
(This article is based on the Indian scenario)
In a world where connections are formed with a swipe and algorithms determine compatibility, matrimonial ads feel like some antique piece of object from ancient times. However, they still are considered viable and one of the easy means of finding a life partner.
They play a very important role, especially in our Indian society.
According to history, early marriage ads were usually from men looking for a bride. Gradually, it came to be a place for both bride and groom, for seeking companionship.
Marriage ads: From serious business to laughingstock
These ads are a way to know what the aspirations are of the individual seeking marriage. But they are more than just that. They are like a mirror of the society as a whole.
They give us an idea of what idea and ideologies the society holds, when it comes to marriage.
Have you ever read the matrimonial ads placed in the daily newspaper? If not, please go ahead and give them a read. You will be astounded and have a hard time believing that we are living in an AI-driven century!
Fair, very fair, slim, homely girl, beautiful, attractive, tall, handsome, Manglik, very loyal, very trustworthy, powerful, rich, blah! blah! blah! In some cases, the exact amount of salary expected of the groom is mentioned as well! (Some labels are not even worth mentioning here).
The advertisers project themselves in an attractive manner, where they just flaunt their strengths and downplay their weaknesses.
Believe you me, these ads can also get you, your dose of laughter. Sometimes they are disgustingly funny and can make you confused whether to get angry or laugh at it.
Seriously? Is this the way the whole thing works? Most importantly, does anyone not get irked by it?
Reality of the matrimonial ads:
These ads are a very common way for people to find potential life partners. However, the reality is quite different.
They often promote a false sense of perfection. They still follow the traditional gender roles and stereotypes. Women are advertised as homely, beautiful and good cooks, whereas men are well-educated and financially stable with a high salary.
In the entire matrimony industry, the girl’s family is still expected to make the first move.
Marrying off a daughter is, largely, more of an obligation rather than a joyous occasion. And in the time of son, the family revels in the festivities and proudly flaunts their riches.
Matrimony: A Business Venture?
It is needless to say, that matrimony is a big business model. There are numerous matrimonial sites, and they are hugely popular and profitable industries.
While matrimony ads are still considered a viable option for finding partners, there is another option, again from the old times, where various agents work personally for people. They are called matchmakers.
They bring matches according to the requirements of the clients and get paid, irrespective of whether it materializes or not. That's their job. If both sides agree, it goes into the next step: the meeting.
Oh, by the way, did I mention that before the meeting, photographs and bio data are the only sources available to base one's decision on? This is how arranged marriage set-up basically works.
Arranged Marriage: Family over couple
Since we are talking about matrimonial ads, it automatically takes us to the arranged marriage set-up. The initial steps leading up to the wedding are still in the nascent stage, I believe. It is still a dreaded time, especially for the women.
When both sides of the family agree, (based on the photo and biodata!), the dreaded meeting time arrives, with the families along. Why 'dreaded', you ask?
Well, the way the prospect is looked at, that gaze itself is enough to make you feel like the tiniest being on this Earth. Your nature, character, achievements, success, level of maturity, understanding, and everything else turn out to be insignificant.
Prospects are chosen, or not chosen solely on the basis of what is outwardly visible. Alarming, isn't it?
Now, the question arises: what could be the correct and justified approach to this whole procedure?
A better approach for arranged marriage:
Going by the above scenario, there has to be a better approach in an arranged marriage setup. I contemplated and came up with an idea. What if, after the prospects are chosen by the family (as is the case in arranged setups), the initial interaction is left only to the two individuals?
The idea is that after both prospects (in the absence of a better word) are chosen, either by photographs, matrimonial sites, or recommendations from acquaintances, instead of the families meeting each other, the two individuals should be allowed to meet up, interact, and mingle for a justifiable amount of time (as it cannot go on forever, a decision needs to be made).
This way, both people get to know each other in various ways, in terms, for instance, of their nature, character, habits, and how they conduct themselves in certain situations. Following which, they may decide whether to proceed or not.
Whenever and wherever the two people meet, both families would be informed beforehand to ensure clarity of their whereabouts.
If the decision is in the affirmative, only then can the two families meet and discuss the subsequent steps. If not, everyone will be notified, and the matter will be closed. This seems fair enough, doesn't it? (You can share your thoughts in the Comments section.)
In this process, I believe both sides can be spared unnecessary humiliation and embarrassment. (Often one is asked to sing, recite, or is interrogated on their capabilities - like, really?)
Not to mention the unfair and wasteful spending on sweets and snacks for a bunch of strangers.
What do you think of this procedure? Let's discuss it here. Any suggestions are welcome.
Let us all try to work towards a better society, where there is respect, chivalry and understanding.
Disclaimer: Whatever approach you follow, whatever setup you are comfortable in, arranged or love, the success of the sacred institution of matrimony depends on the two individuals. There is no tried and tested formula for a happy and successful marriage. It is always a work in progress.
Meanwhile, has anyone among the readers here gone through this grind? Share your experience if you have one.
Keep sharing your stories! Feel lighter! 😀
Sucheta
Disclaimer: I am not an expert or a professional in the field of mental health. This writing is based solely on my experience and observation, and it is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need help with mental health issues, please contact a qualified professional.
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