"Parenting"-Why is effective parenting important!

Parenting

Parenting is a huge responsibility that both parents and non-parents understand. They have the duty of raising an individual who will be a positive influence in the society and a valuable asset to the world. Bringing a human being into this world is no small feat, and it is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly.

Parenting in India:

There are some traditional rules of parenting that are unwritten but mandatory. These include, giving the child an identity, instilling in them the religious norms, being protective, and keeping them in care until they reach adulthood. In India, one of the biggest misconceptions is that, there is no such thing as a bad parent. Traditionally, parents are seen as figures to be worshipped. They are never wrong, and they always want the best for their children. However, it is important to remember that parents are human beings who are prone to make mistakes. They can be selfish, impatient and even abusive. They may make decisions that end up hurting their children.

Oftentimes, the parents are unaware that they are actually harming their children. This is not necessarily their fault; they may simply not know any better. They may refuse to accept their mistakes, believing that everything they do is for the child’s betterment.

Parenting in US:

One of the most common concepts in American parenting is the idea of “good” and “bad” parents. They are aware of their mistakes which can lead to a lot of guilt and anxiety. They may feel like they are constantly being judged. Another common aspect is the emphasis on books and other resources. There are countless books, websites and blogs dedicated to parenting and the parents are often encouraged to read as much as they can in order to be the best parents they can be. American parenting is often characterized by independence and self-reliance. They are more likely to allow their children to make their own decisions. This can be seen as a risky approach, but it can also help children to develop a sense of independence and self-confidence.

Toxic Parenting:

Toxic parenting is a real problem that can have a devastating impact on children. Toxic parents are those, who engage in behaviours that are harmful to their children’s emotional and psychological development. Children who are raised in toxic environments are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and other mental health problems. They may also be more likely to engage in risky behaviours, such as substance abuse and self-harm.

Request to the parents and the to-be parents:

Firstly and most importantly, do not ever underestimate a child. This is the foundation of everything, and I can attest to this from my experience and observation. Not only parents, it is actually applicable to all elders. We often make the mistake of assuming that children will not understand anything. Children are much more perceptive and intelligent than we give them credit for.

Some scenarios will clear the picture:

1.     Experts often advise parents not to fight in front of their children because they are very sensitive to conflict and they can easily pick up on the negative emotions that are being expressed.

2.     Parents should treat each other with respect as children learn by observing their parent’s behaviour. They are more likely to have healthy relationships as adults.

3.     Parents should not be over protective. That may make their children feel insecure and dependent. A child needs to learn and grow. Children should be able to take decisions and be responsible for the same. That way a child learns better.

4.     A child should be allowed to express themselves freely.

5.     Yelling at children is not an effective way to discipline them, they should be reprimanded in a gentle way, which includes explaining why their behaviour is wrong and what they should do instead.

6.     Parents should strictly respect their children’s privacy. And this is very, very important. The concept of privacy is often neglected in Indian society. Parents may feel that they have every right to know about their children’s life. But this is not true. In our over populous country, due to lack pf space and ignorance, parents and children often share the same room and same bed as well. Even if the scenario demands such arrangements, it is the parents’ responsibility to behave themselves and draw some line.

(I know someone personally, who has seen the parents getting intimate in childhood, and has been scarred for life. Till date, the individual concerned is scared of getting married, as the person still gets terrified even thinking about physical intimacy.)

Effective Parenting:

Parenting is a journey. Everyone learns on-the-job. There are advisors, books on parenting, tutorials and guidelines, but they can only give us a rough idea of how the journey is going to unfold. However, there are no set rules. Each child is unique and each child has to be raised accordingly. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. The most important thing is to find what works best for the child and the family.

               

Duty of a child:

The most important thing we need to do is, FORGIVE THEM. Very often we see, people hold grudges against their parents for life. They keep blaming them for all the wrong things happening in life. But, think about it, what is the point of holding grudge. It will only makes us feel heavier and bitter. It will weigh us down and prevent us from moving on with our lives. It will affect our mental health. We need to let go of all the resentment to attain peace of mind. We need to accept that they are humans and they made mistakes.

Also, we should learn from our parents’ mistakes, break the cycle of pain and resentment and create a better future for ourselves and our children.

                                                                                 

Take Care!                                                                                  Sucheta

Disclaimer: I am not an expert or a professional in the field of mental health. This writing is based solely on my experience and observation, and it is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need help with mental health issues, please contact a qualified professional.