Marriage- Divorce and Break Up

 Marriage Break-up

If you recall, in my previous post I discussed arranged marriages, which concluded with a disclaimer. 

(Disclaimer: Whatever approach you follow, whatever setup you are comfortable in, arranged or love, the success of the sacred institution of matrimony depends on the two individuals. There is no tried and tested formula for a happy and successful marriage. It is always a work in progress.)

Marriage is a sacred institution, which involves not only the two individuals but also their families. To make it work, everyone involved has to be in sync and has to be understanding of the nitty-gritties associated with it.

We are all witnessing marriages breaking and ending in separation, legal or otherwise, more than ever before. The divorce rate has gone up worldwide. 

According to the American Psychological Association, 40-50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce.

Statistically, in India, it is only 1%, but that is nothing to rejoice in, because the real situation is way more serious than is being reported. More on that later.

 

Why divorces are rising more than ever before:

I am sure, everyone has noticed and will agree with me that marriages are crumbling more than ever before. The divorce rate is all time high, all over the world.

We have to understand the reasons behind this. And the factors which are responsible for the increase in divorces.

Firstly, let us look at the situation at large. Why has this become so rampant? According to me, the reasons for growing divorce might be the following:

1.      Financial independence - Both parties are financially independent, so one is no more at the other's mercy, like old times.

2.      Nuclear families - People have become less tolerant and less accommodating. None of the parties are open to adjusting.

3.      False sense of power - None of them is willing to compromise even on things that are required. Compromising is viewed as a sign of weakness.

4.      Lack of patience - When the world is running at 5G speed, and everything is easily and instantly available, people are losing patience at 5G speed as well. No one is giving enough time for things to settle down. 

5.      Lack of communication - We are all connected virtually, yet in the real world, we are growing far apart. We all know that open communication is the basis for all relationships, more so in marriage. People rarely have deep and meaningful conversations anymore, which results in building up resentment.

6.      High expectations - Basic expectations are a must; otherwise, any bonding would seem soulless. However, when a couple starts comparing themselves with other couples (special thanks to social media!), unrealistic expectations arise. And unrealistic expectations always lead to disappointments.

7.      Third party interference - Sometimes mountains are made out of mole hills by the families and the extended families. Things become complicated without any resolution in sight.

Divorce and Family:

Since marriage involves both families, the break-up of marriage or divorce also has a significant impact on the families as well.

Both the partners go through various emotions during the whole process, right from the time of the start of the disagreements. Divorce is generally the last resort, but the situations leading up to it cause a lot of pain, confusion and anxiety.

The families also experience a feeling of social isolation because society poses so many questions regarding this sensitive issue.

The worst affected are the kids, if and when a couple has children.

The thing to be worried about most is the fact that, nowadays, due to the above-mentioned reasons, a couple of this generation start contemplating divorce, even after a minor disagreement. 

(The intensity of the disagreements varies from person to person, I mean to say ‘minor’, in a general sense.)

Marriage- A work-in-progress:

Let us think about all the above issues. Aren’t they workable? They definitely are. It is up to the individuals to work on them.

According to me, a couple should think, reflect, communicate, and be rational. If all else fails, a couple can always consult professionals, marriage counselors , couples' counselors, and so on. 

Wrapping up:

Let us reflect nonetheless: can we not try to be a little more compassionate, empathetic, understanding, and considerate, before coming to any sort of decision?

To the couples navigating through the relationship challenges right now: TRY to THINK, TRY to be a little more patient. Pause and reflect.

Most importantly, communicate more. Communication has immense potential to clear things out and reach an amicable place. This is not advice, just a gentle reminder!

Disclaimer: No compromise or adjustment with any kind of domestic violence.

 Take care, everyone.

                                                                                                                               Sucheta

Disclaimer: I am not an expert or a professional in the field of mental health. This writing is based solely on my experience and observation, and it is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need help with mental health issues, please contact a qualified professional.